Gone
by Vanitas-Of-The-Vanushi
Summary: "Zexion... I know I've done something unforgivable... Something that no one could forgive, but I'm asking one thing... Just please forgive me. If you understood the hurt and the pain that I was dealing with then you would understand... That's all I'm asking..."
1. The Message

Gone- Violetflamedancer

**SUMMARY- "Zexion... I know I've done something unforgivable... Something that no one could forgive, but I'm asking one thing... Just please forgive me. If you understood the hurt and the pain that I was dealing with then you would understand... That's all I'm asking..."**

**Chapter 1: The Message**

**Character Bios:**

**Riku- Age: 17. Abused by his step-father, Riku projects a negative and dark aura, when truely on the inside, he's a very outgoing, selfless, and under control individual. Riku keeps his abuse a secret, and barely has friends, due to his dark aura. Cutter.**

**Zexion- Age 17. Socially rejected, Zexion keeps to himself, and his two friends, Riku and Xion. Although he is an intellectual teen, Zexion thinks he doesnt get the respect he deserves. Cutter.**

**Xion- Age: 16. Tired of living in the shadow of her two popular brothers, Sora-Sports Jock and Improve/Drama King Roxas, Xion became friends with Riku and Zexion. Anorexic.**

(Pov: Riku)

"My God, I can't stay up all night punishing you for your wrong-doings, you _dick weeded child_." He spat, leaving me in a bloody mess on the floor.

This time, the beating had gone so far, that I could barely feel the pain. What was my life turning out to be? Dying, because my stepdad had abused me, and played attack Riku. You would think that somebody would notice. I always looked _too_ pale, hands would shake severly, and had dark bags under my eyes, from lack of sleep. They never did. Never would imagine the emo, a cutter, would be abused. Surely, I had enough. Enough of feeling lonely and like there was nothing I could do. Nothing to stop the beating.

I got up, regardless of my state. If I skipped another day of school, he would surely kill me. It hurt, moving my back. Doing any physical movement hurt, but I had to go to school. Using the wall for support, I edged my way to my bed, and dropped down, leaning against the headboard. My cell phone was vibrating on my nightstand. It was a text from my best friend, Zexion.

'Riku. Is /he/ beating you again? You need to answer me as soon as you can.' I bit my lip, reading the text. Yeah, Zexion knew about the beating. It's kinda obvious when he saw the scars and the blood.

_I had ran away from home, and headed for Zexion's house. I was only 15 at the time, and I had no other place to go. I climbed the tree that was next to his house, and slipped in through the window. _

_ "Riku?! What the fucking hell! Why are you in my room?" Zexion cursed, under his breath. My breathing was ragged, and my long silver bangs were covering the swelling black eye. _

_ "Zexion... I need your help..." That was enough for Zexion not to push me away. I'm not the type to ask for help. He edged me over to his bed, and I brushed my bangs away, and showed him my eye. _

_ "My God... Riku... What happened?..." His voice had some uncertainty to it. Like he hadn't wanted to know what happened. I simply just took off my vest, the long sleeved shirt, and turned to him. My back had begun to bleed again, the shirt sticky with blood. His aqua eyes went wide. _

_ "Riku..." I just shook my head. _

_ "Stepdad abuses me." I said, looking down. I wasnt sure what he was going to do. I wasnt sure of anything anymore. Zexion got up, and left the room, and then came back after a few seconds with a white box. He sat behind my back, which made my nerves go on high alert. I couldnt trust anyone with my back. Too many times being abused does that. I turned quickly, to see him opening the box, and pulled out some Neosporin. _

_ "Let me see your back." He whispered. After a few tense moments, I slowly edged back and grabbed my wrist, digging my bitten off fingernails into my cutter wrists. Zexion, along with Xion, were the only ones that knew that I cut. Zexion cut himself too, while Xion starved herself. She couldn't bring herself to even hold a blade to her skin, let alone see the blood flow._

_ "So... I'm guessing taking you to the hospital is out of question... Isn't it?" Zexion slowly smeared the ointment on my back, and then covered it in clean gauze. I slowly released my strong hold on my wrist, as he got back in my line of sight._

_ "Tell anyone, and I'll make your life a personal hell..." My voice was so quivery, the threat sounded like a plea for help. God, how I hated being helpless. Biting my lip was everything I could do, to try and not jump out the window and commit suicide..._

'I'll tell you later. Meet me at the place asap.' I sent back quickly, my vision blurring. I couldn't do anything that wouldn't make my back scream in pain. Still, I had to move. I grabbed a relatively clean long sleeved shirt, and eased it on, whimpering when the fabric touched the open wounds.

Note to self: take a serious amount of pain killers.

A shower was out of question too. Sighing, I popped three pain killers, dry, and grabbed my bag, and dashed out of the house.

Our hangout spot was an old abandoned equipment shack that sat on the edge of the school's grounds. The forest concealed most of it, so it made it hard for easy access.A plus when we wanted to be alone, a minus when you were me and your stepdad abuses you, and your only point of entry is by sliding against a tree with barbed wire around it.

I was ready to cut myself about now.

"Riku... Is that you?" Zexion's voice called from the shack. I grunted, and pushed back the thorny bush.

"No, it's the Angel of Death. No shit it's me, you asshat." Even when severely hurt, I still had to be a smart ass. Zexion came out of the shack, as I stumbled into the little clearing. He instantly saw my too pale state, and helped me into the building, without asking. It was kinda like a drill now. He would help me into the room and bandage my wounds, while I would explain the situation, and eat out of the box of food, we normally stored there. As Zexion took off my sticky shirt, he gasped.

"Holy shit. Riku... This is too much blood... You need to go to the hospital." Zexion said, taking out the bandages and pain killers. I jerked away and glared at him.

"Dude, no. We can't risk it. They would totally contact my stepdad. Then you would have a corpse on your hands. Seriously, Zex no. Just bandage me up, so I can fail another math test. I don't get hurt much when I fail tests." I stated, easing myself back to facing him.

I'm the type to not take care of myself, and no matter what, I was always hurting. Either it was physically, from being beat or actual cutting of myself, or emotionally. I've had bad relationships in the past. Girls would only date me cause I work out and have muscles, but as soon as they spent more than five minutes with my _sun shining_ attitude, they would leave me. I even had this bit of an attraction to Xion, ever since she joined our group. It was a little awkward to really talk to her, since she had the tendency to bring up about her brothers, Sora and Roxas. Whom I've had crushes' on. I swear it's the eyes. The beautiful sky blue eyes...

"I understand..." He said in a very steady and through clenched teeth voice. I wanted to cut so badly now, but Zexion wouldn't allow it. Sometimes he acted more like a Mother Hen, then a best friend.

After a few minutes of silence, and being bandaged, there was a rustling outside. Xion was coming. Zexion threw me an extra shirt that we hid here, just in case and I threw it on, as the door opened.

"Oh. You guys are here early." Xion brightly said, smiling, and closing the door. Her black hood covered up here face, protecting her from the heavy rain. I shrugged and went over to the food box and opened the flaps, seeing nothing.

"Hello Xion. How are you?" Zexion said, keeping her eyes on him, not the bloody shirt behind his backpack. She sat down in a chair next to him, and brushed back a stray hair.

"I'm okay..." She stated, seeming like she was depressed. I sighed, and went over to the unoccupied chair. All was quiet as we sat together, looking around. Sometimes we would sit like this, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Other times, the silence was too much and we would fill it with meaningless chatter. I was starting to feel woozy, and apparently I looked the part because Zexion tossed me a Snickers candy bar. Xion looked at me in confusion, but as always I ignored her, and ripped open the packaging.

"You know... I've been noticing that you two act differently around me. The strange glances, meeting extra early, even sharing candy... Did you two hook up or something?!" Xion asked, her body leaning forward. The bite of candy got stuck in my throat, causing me to cough.

"You're looking at this at the wrong angle, Xion. Why would Riku ever want to date me, when it's obvious he's more attracted to people that have happy personalities." Zexion stated, pulling out a book, and opening to some random page. I looked down and away. With Xion's sky blue eyes staring at me, I felt like I was on fire. Not to mention in extreme pain. Xion scoffed, and pouted, looking away and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Don't think that I can't tell when there's a big secret. You two always act suspicious when something's up." She wasn't going to budge on the subject. She may be related to a sports jock-Sora, and very popular drama king-Roxas, but she was stubborn. Just like her brothers. In the far distance, the school bell rang, notifying everyone that there was ten minutes tell school started. Zexion shut his book, and put it in his backpack, standing up and stretching.

"The bell beckons us for another day of torture." He said, while Xion stood, up grabbed her backpack and slung it across her back.

"You can say that again, Zex." I stood up, and started heading out the door. I wanted to get the hell out of the space that seemed to be closing in. It was like every second Xion spent wondering what Zexion and I were up to, was a second closer to her finding out my biggest secret. I was out of the shack, when I heard Xion gasp loudly.

"Zexion... What's that?" I didn't have to think hard enough to figure out that she found my shirt. The only thing left to do was run and hope that Zexion would cover for me.

-Later on that day-

As always, I didn't pay attention during school. Flunking two math tests and a history exam pretty much explained it all. The teachers hated me. It felt like whenever they came around to my table, they were raw nerve. Even if I knew what the hell the answer was, they would avoid me like the plague.

Just another reason to add to my growing list of why suicide was such a great option for me.

I met up with Zexion, as we started out for our little table for lunch. He had a huge piling tray of food, which was starting to smell really good. For some odd reason, there was two of everything. It was easy to tell what he had in mind. Zexion didn't need to get me food. Sure I was getting fuzzy every second, and my stomach was aching, but the kind gestures were starting to get on my nerves. He and I had sat down, and were divvying up the food, when tingles shot down my back. That only happened when someone was behind me.

"Hello Zexion, Riku." the person said, coming around the table. It was light, and very much a girl's voice. Calm and soothing. A voice that could make even the tenses of people calm down. Namine came into sight, as she sat down across from me and Zexion. It was strange for her to come sit with us. Hell, even if Xion joined us, it was strange. She spent her lunch, sitting in the bathroom, looking at her thin body, wishing it to be thinner. Namine always sat with her boyfriend Roxas and the other cool people. My stomach clenched, wondering what the hell was going on. Seriously, today was starting to become the worst day, I've ever lived through.

"It's a surprise to have you sitting with us, Namine." Zexion said, breaking the sudden and very awkward silence. Here I was, sitting with my hand wrapped around the edge of the table, stunned and feeling like I couldn't figure out how to move, or talk. It kinda felt like I was some fool in love that couldn't work up the courage to talk to the hottest person in school, who I had an attraction to. Besides the fact that, I WASNT in love with Namine, she wasn't my type, it was exactly the same. Sort of. Sure, Namine was considered very attractive, with her long blonde hair and lavender eyes, but she was too... sensitive. She looked like she was going to cry if you even _looked_ at her wrong. It doesn't really help the situation when Roxas looked over her like a hawk.

"Xion invited me and her brothers to sit with you today." She said, quietly, looking across the table at Zexion and I. A second later, Xion and her popular brothers, Sora and Roxas, joined sitting down and around Namine. While I stared down at the food that Zexion had pushed underneath my nose, I felt the others looking strangely at me. Like I was some unwanted geeky freshman who had gathered the courage to sit at the popular table. These people were defiantly wearing my already raw nerves thin.

"Riku... You look super pale... Is something wrong?" Namine's voice was low and next to my ear. I was so consumed by trying not to have any mental breakdowns that I didn't feel or hear her move next to me. I turned to her sharply and jumped away from the table. Zexion turned to me, and it wasn't two seconds before I ran to the bathroom, and sensed Zexion coming along.

"Riku... Something's wrong... Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?" He asked, trying to cage me against the wall. Being the weight-lifter and stronger male that I was, I pushed past him, and gripped the white porcelain sink. I turned on the cold water, and pushed back my jacket, and thrusted my hands under. The cold water felt nice, since I felt like I was going to start jumping out of my skin at any moment. Zexion stayed quiet, watching my every move. I splashed my face a few times, then turned off the water, and looked down at my pale hands.

"Zexion... I feel like... something's going to happen, that I can't prevent. Something's going to throw me over the edge, and let the darkness consume my heart..." My voice was low, and steady. Defiantly different from the shakey and tenseness that I was feeling. Zexion, normally not one for touchy feely moments, put his hand on my shoulder.

"I can help you through this... Just tell me what's going on." I shrugged him off and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Sullen aquamarine eyes, that hadn't seen sleep in over three days, almost bloodless skin... My long silvery hair was the only thing that looked alive and healthy. I took good care of my hair. I could see Zexion's reflection, and he looked better than what I was pretty sure he felt. I could see it in his aqua eyes that he wanted to cut to try and clear up his muddy mind. To take control of the situation.

My mind raced with possibilities of what I should do. Should I stay at school, and face another F on a test and also the sad and needy look of Namine. The faces of those around her, or me. Should I run home, where I was sure to have the principal calling my stepdad if I skipped class? Where I would be facing another night of beatings, and vented hate. Options ran through my head, but there was one option that seemed to stick out, no matter what option I seemed to think of.

Suicide.

"Riku..." Zexion grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me in a way that forced me to look at him. His eyes narrowed, showing me what he was thinking. He knew what I was thinking. There was no way out of this situation. The only thing that was left for me to do is say goodbye. Of course, I would save Zexion and Xion for last. My only friends that knew me better than anyone in the world.

My mom wouldn't be able to find out tell after her trip. It would be frightening for her, to lose her only son to suicide. It was obvious that she would beat herself up, for not being able to spend time with me. Having to work a day shift and going to school at night. Only spending the two hours of free time she had, with me and her husband, studying, sleeping and eating. Most of the time she wouldn't even come home, sleeping and studying in her car, in a parking lot outside of the college. Weekends she would either be gone on business trips or be sleeping most of the time, she wouldn't even be able to spend it with her family. There was always one Sunday of the month she would take everything off and spend it with me. I defiantely would miss those days. Where she would take me hiking and we would sit in a meadow and talk about life. I would never tell her about the abuse or my cutting, but she knew that I was shy around others, and had only two friends.

_"So how are you and your friends, Zexion and Xion doing?" Mom asked, taking a bite out of the sandwich she had made earlier that day. I looked towards the horizon, watching the waves come towards our little hangout. It was past a cemetery, overlooking a cliff._

_ "We're okay I guess... Just trying to do our best in school..." I muttered, wishing I could tell her the truth. That we hated school, and that we sat in an old shack cutting and starving ourselves. That we wished life wasn't so cruel. Wishing that I could tell her that her husband abused me, and some nights even made me want to kill myself. Wishing that I could curl up next to her and cry, hoping that she would take care of all my problems and spend more time with me. Wishing that I wasn't so needy for her attention._

_ "Oh that's good. School is important." Mom said, setting the sandwich down and reached over to pet my hair. It was long and glowing in the overcastted light. Of course, being the abused and very twitchy child that I was, I flinched and froze. It wasn't her fault, but she always took it like that._

_ "Oh sorry..." She removed her hand from my hair, and inched away from me. I wanted to grab her and make her pet my hair again, nut I wasn't that type of person. I shrugged and hugged my knees to my chest. Someday I would gather the guts to tell my mom about my life, instead of keeping her in the dark. I would tell her, who I really was, an abused emo cutter, who wanted to spend time with his mother. A sad and broken boy who longed for love that he couldn't have._

My phone buzzed, breaking my train of thought and the tense moment between me and Zexion. No one ever texted me, unless it was Zexion, Xion or every great while, my mom. I reached into my pocket, and after reading who it was by, I couldn't help but shake slightly. It was from my mom.

'Hi baby, its mama. I'm going to be home early from my trip! I'll hopefully be home when you get home from school. I'm anxious to see you, my darling child. See you after school, baby. Love mom.' My lip quivered, as I closed my eyes and held the phone to my chest.

"Who's that from? Your mom?" Zexion asked, watching my strange action. Maybe there was hope that today was going to be turning for the better. My mom was coming home. I was going to tell her all about the abuse, and hopefully she could stop it. Hopefully my life would be better. I nodded, and handed him the phone, letting him read the message. His eyes lit up slightly.

"You know what that means?" He asked quietly, as the bell rang. I nodded and took back my phone.

"It means that I'll stop hurting." I said, putting away my phone and following Zexion out of the bathroom, and back to the table.

If there was one thing that I was sure of, was that tonight, my whole life is gonna change.

**Lines from the next chapter: Shattered Hearts.**

**"Riku... Listen. I love you..."**

**"'**_**I could never bring myself to see your beautiful light be extimguished by my darkness.**_**'"**

_I'm gonna change you like a remix. Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

**A/N: Well that's it for the first chapter. How'd I do? There's a lot unsaid about who Riku is. Especialy small things like, his habits, likes, dislikes, and just small "headcanons".**

**Riku: An only child. Fave bands: Fall Out Boy, Falling In Reverse, My Chemical Romance. Plays the both acustic and electric guitar (only when his step-dad's not home). Is actually really smart, but doesnt apply himself in school. Has trust issues. Has frequent nightmares, that reflect his fears of losing the ones he loves. Fave color: Aquamarine (the color of his canon eyes), crimson red (blood color) and silver (his hair color). Actually likes learning, but doesnt like school. Excells at hand to hand combat (which Zexion and Xion both practice with him). Has a crush on Xion, Roxas (long story) and Sora. Actually likes The Hunger Games trilogy, reading the books in private, along with several other series (Maximum Ride- James Patterson, Pendragon- D.J. MacHale). Likes Sci-Fi/Fiction books. Puts feelings in a bottle, and doesn't really think about them, unless it comes to importance to him.**

**Obviously, Riku isn't just the dark and emo type. He has a heart. Although he puts his feelings aside, that doesnt mean that he doesn't have them.**

**Well, I should be signing off, to work on the next chapter. -VFD**


	2. Shattered Hearts

**A/N: New Chappie! I know that you're anxious to find out what happens. Let's just say, this chapter will **_**shatter your heart**_**.  
Char Bios:**

**Riku's Mother: Age-27. A kind and sensitive soul, she had Riku when she was 17. Working during the day, and going to college at night, she rarely sees her child, or husband. Doesn't know much about Riku. Is away on business trips a lot. As a young girl, Riku's mom always dreamed of being a mother, but couldnt really take care of her child when her career took off.**

I decided to skip the rest of the school day. It's not like I could care less. My mom was gonna know all about my abusive step-dad and then I'll be able to live without fearing for my life every time I heard the door close. My house wasn't too far away from school, thankfully. It made for a quick escape when I needed Zexion's care or if I was running late.

Going around through the back, I had to hop the fence and jimmy open the screen door, which by the way, hurt like hell. The inside and front of the house always looked picture perfect. Happy pictures of a smiling family, clean everything. The scene reminded me of a staged house. You know when the owners are inticing you to buy their home, and they set it up all nice and pretty to try and show you what you want. I remember when my mom had came into this house when we first moved to the dark and rainy part of Twilight Town.

_She had been giddy, just looking at the clean cooble stone walkway. The siding had been painted a baby blue, alike to the rest of the houses in the town. My step-dad was talking to the realtor, while I followed Mom in. She was pointing out things that made for a good home. _

_ "Remember, Riku. A good house gives you that _home_ feeling. Ohh! I love that bay window!" Mom pulled me along and sat down on the window, patting the seat next to her. "This house is giving me good vibes." She said, smiling. It was obvious she was in love with the house._

_ The first night of living in the house, Mom had set a fire, made popcorn, and had curled up next to her husband watching the new flat screen tv. I was peering out of the kitchen, knowing that I was supposed to be in bed. After a few silent minutes, Mom had gotten up and started for the kitchen, seeing me._

_ "Hey baby. Would you like Mama to read you a story before bed?" She asked. I wanted to do the whole 'Mom! I'm 12. I dont need any bed time stories.' type of thing. Since I barely get to spend time with her, I just nodded and went over to the window, curling up with a fleece blanket around me. My step-father glared at me, giving me silent messages of 'you're bedtime was two hours ago.' I stuck my tongue out at him, and snuggled up next to my mom, and fell asleep with her reading to me._

The happy memory of that night brought a small smile to my lips. It's been a while since I smiled. Practically since my mom got married to the devil spawn and we moved here. I didnt have a whole lot to be happy about. Except for the few times that Xion or her brothers wheezled one out of me, I kept a poker face the entire time.

Before doing anything, I walked into the living room and picked up a photo of my mom, beautiful with her long silver hair, and bright aquamarine eyes. Made even more beautiful with the silken white wedding dress, and boquet of flowers. I held it close to my chest, holding back the strange twinge in my chest. Whenever I thought of my mom, I always felt like I would never see her again. It was strange really. Putting the photo back, and walking into the kitchen, I clutched my stomach. I hadn't had food in the last few days. My head got light, and my vision blurred. If I didnt eat now, then I would collapse in hunger. The fridge was quite empty. The cupboards held little, but I managed to find a few packages of chicken Top Ramen.

As the water and noodles were boiling, I pulled out my phone and reread the message from my mom. She was coming home. I felt my heartbeat pulsing through my back, feeling it beat a little faster than it normally did. Thinking about my mother did that. With her always working and gone from the house, I starved for her attention. I turned to cutting and abusing of my body. Lack of food and sleep, over working of my muscles... I had to shake my head to avoid indulging on the dark memories.

After about an hour, I had eaten, showered and rebandaged my back. There still was a dull ache, so I took some more pain killers. I walked into my room, and immediately saw the dried pool of blood. 'Right...' I thought, forgetting about the mess in my room. I felt a little conflicted. Should I clean up the mess, or leave it, so my mom can see? Either way, the smell was staring to give me a headache. With a few clicks of my camera, and an half an hour later, I had the mess as cleaned up as I could. I was lucky that the carpet was black.

'Riku, it's Xion. Are you okay? I didnt see you in class, and I wanted to make sure you're okay. Zexion said, you went home. I just wanna make sure you're okay.' The vibration of my phone brought me back from the time block I was in. The clock had said about 3pm. It was after school already.

'Yeah, I'm fine. I found out my mom was coming home from a business trip, and wanted to have the house cleaned up before she got here.' I typed back, having to retype it a few times. The stupid touch screen phone I had hated me, I swear. I would try and say one thing, but it would say something different. I dont blame it though. My step-dad had thrown it against my head a few dozen times in anger, saying I 'went over my text limit.' Clearly he was making excuses to hit me. I had unlimited texting, calling and data. To be honest, I rarely used my phone. I used my laptop more, skyping Xion and Zexion, and occasion Mom when she was free.

'That's great! :) I hope everything goes well! Oh, by the way... Riku I would like to speak to you in private tomorrow. It's about that shirt that Zexion was hiding in the usual place this morning.' I froze reading the text. She was on to me, and could probably know my secret. Today was just getting worse. Walking downstairs, I sensed something was off. Mom had said she was going to be home when I got home from school. If I didnt hang out at the place with Zexion and Xion, I would get home about 2:45pm. Since school got out at 2:30pm, I would usually trudge home, or hang out with my friends. I decided to call Mom, just in case something had gone bad.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" My mom answered on the first ring, all joy in her voice.

"I'm okay. Happy that you're coming home." I sat down on my bed, smiling a little.

"That's great! Im actually on my way now. The plane had a little delay and got us out late. I wanted to be there before you walked in the door-"

"That's okay mom, really. I cant wait to see you again." To be honest I'm a little scared too. I couldnt help thinking, while I played with the upper ear piercing that I got a while ago. No one really knows about it, except Xion and Zexion. I got it when Zexion had gotten his snake bites in.

"I cant wait either, Riku! I miss you so much."

"I miss you too."

"Alright baby. I've got to g-AAAHHHH!" My eyes widened. Her blood-currdling scream hurt my ears, but I couldn't take the phone away from my ear, instead pressing it closer.

"Mom?! MOM?!" I felt my breath coming in faster and faster. There was a huge crashing and screeching sound on her end of the line, and for some reason, after a few minutes of chaos, there was a panting.

"Mom?" I asked, feeling my heart shrink. What was going on? Car crash? Was my mom injured? I closed my eyes, trying to see her face.

"Riku... Listen. I love you..." Mom's voice was hushed and painful. My senses went on high alert.

"I love you too Mom..."

"Riku... I'm not gonna make it... But baby... know that I'll always be with you." My heart seemed like it jumped into my throat. Everything came into focus. There was a car crash, and my mom was dying. Something inside me was slowly dying with her.

"Mom... Don't die, please..." Tears somehow squeezed themselves out of my closed eyes. Oh how I wished I was there with her. I wouldn't care if I was dying alongside her, as long as I got to see her one last time. Now she was dying a sudden death, and I was miles away, clutching to the phone like it was a lifeline.

"I'm sorry... I... Love... You... Riku..." Mom whispered, as the last breath exited her. I started to shake, and before I knew it, I was in a fetal position, crying on my bed. My mom had just died, while on the way to see me. I felt like everything inside of me had died. There was nothing for me now. Nothing to live for. Sure, I would miss Zexion and Xion. The only two people who mattered, who cared. Life itself was starting to become clear. I knew that there was nothing for me, and that there was only one thing left to do.

Suicide.

I had to do it. I wanted, no I NEEDED to see my mom. I needed to kill myself. Wiping the tears away, I got up and went to my backpack, rummaging through it. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil, and began to write.

_Zexion and Xion._

_I wish there was a way to tell you guys how much you mean to me, but I can't figure them out. Just know that I wish the best for each of you. There is a few things I need to get off my chest though._

_Zexion. You are the bestest friend I've ever had. If it weren't for you, I would have never gotten through the tough times. I really apprieciate everything that you've done for me, and Xion. If it wasn't for you, I would have killed myself years ago. Thanks for everything..._

_Xion. This is going to be tough for the both of us. For me, because I didnt intend on telling you this, this way. I love you. I have since I met you. You're smart, pretty and the only one (besides Zexion) that ever has cared about what I thought or felt. I wish I at least could have told you, or done something about it before, but I didnt. If I didn't go through what I did in the past, then maybe I would have opened up and told you. Me and Zexion have kept a few things from you, and I'm sorry about that. Xion, my stepfather abuses me. I didnt want to tell you, because I thought I was able to handle the pain and I didnt want you to feel pity or anything for me. I could never bring myself to see your beautiful light be extingished by my darkness. _

_You may be wondering why you're finding all this out about me... If you already know, then I'm still sorry. I've decided that I can't handle this pain and suffering any longer. My mother had died, in a car crash. I dont know the specifics of the crash, but I do know that she died while on the phone talking to me. My heart shattered when I heard her draw her last breath. I cant deal with this anymore. That's why I've decided to commit suicide. You know where Lovers Leap is? That's where I'll be spending my last few moments. It's special to me because my mom had taken me there on my first day here. We had a picnic, and watched the waved crash violently against the rocky shore. She had told me the story of why it was called Lovers Leap. It slightly pains me that I wont be leaping with my lover, but because of my mother. I love her and you guys. I wish for the best, and I'm sorry that this ever had to happen._

_Riku._

I noticed I was crying while writing this, seeing the small wet rings on the paper. Reading over my note, I sniffed, and wiped away the tears with the ridge of my black long sleeved shirt. From a distance, the Station Plaza's bells rang. It was 4pm. Time was staring to mean nothing to me. Why should it? I've already decided that I was gonna kill myself. Things around me started to pick up. The sky turned from a mind rain, to a full out storm. Everything had an eeiry shadow to it. I didnt want to do anything, until midnight, when I decided to jump.

xXx

My stepdad hadnt come home. I'm sure that he had learned about the death of his wife and had gotten drunk. That was fine by me. I rather not see his puffy red face, black beady eyes burning holes in my soul everytime he looked at me. I watched as the clock on my wall chime 11pm. The music of one of my favorite bands, Fall Out Boy, drowned out the rain, thunder and lightning. Knowing that my time was wasting, I got up. Methodically I changed into my favorite clothing.

A whiteish gray hoodie with some strange black markings, over a Falling in Reverse band tee. Light gray-blue jeans with a spiked belt, and the white with black and red marking sneakers, Zexion had gotten me for my birthday last year. Adding my big noise-cancelling headphones, phone, mp3, and the note. I was ready.

xXx

The trek from my home to Lovers Leap across the darker region of Twilight Town took most of my hour. I was tempted to stop by the usual place to drop the note off, but then I wouldn't make my midnight mark. I glanced around before I got to the graveyard, making sure no one was watching, and made my way past the rows of dead people. It was strange to walk through the graveyard, knowing that I would be dead in about ten minutes.

I cranked up the volume, sending The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy through my head. When I first heard the song, I was addicted to it, listening to it on repeat. By the tenth time, I knew the lyrics and the meaning behind it. To be honest, it's not really a suicide song, but the music video is addicting, and I just love this song.

_Put on your war paint._

_You are the brick tied to me that's dragging me down._

_Strike a match and I'll burn you to the ground._

_We are the Jack-o-lanterns in July._

_Setting fire to the sky._

_Here, here comes this rising tide, so come on._

The edge of the graveyard was almost upon me, and I could see the edge of the cliff. A old tree stood slightly to the side, over watching the dark ocean. The story my mom had told me when we had picniced here, came to mind.

_"Riku, theres an old story to this cliff. It's called Lovers Leap."_

_ "Why's it called that?" I asked, taking a bite out of my sandwhich. It was grilled cheese, with turkey bacon. Mom had an identical sandwhich on her plate. She looked out to the horizon and let the cool watery breeze flow through her hair._

_ "A long time ago, there was a young and beautiful lady named Nikkio. She had many admirers but never sought out their love."_

_ "Mom! Please tell me this isnt some romance story." I gagged, coughing out the sandwhich. Mom laughed._

_ "It is partially. Anyway, a man had been passing by when he saw Nikkio and her beauty. Immediantly he fell in love, but couldnt figure out how to express his love. Nikkio worked as a serving girl in a tavern. One night, the man -his name was Amu- had stopped by the tavern and had Nikkio has his waitress. He flirted with her, and surprising to him, she flirted back. Over the course of a night, Amu and Nikkio had planned to wed, and run away together."_

_ "A night?! That's not possible, is it? For someone to fall in love?"_

_ "It is, but it's a story sweetie... Anyways, when Nikkio's father found out, he cancled the wedding, and had forbidden his daughter to see Amu. Later on that week, Amu and Nikkio had met at this cliff, and vowed that if they couldnt be seen together, that they wouldnt live. Then they jumped."_

_ "Wow... A little dramatic, much?" I asked, finishing off my sandwhich._

_ "It is, but," Mom reached over and poked my belly. "When you find the one you cant live without, you would do anything to protect them."_

_Put on you war paint._

_Cross walks and crossed hearts and hope-to-dies._

_Silver clouds with grey linings._

_So we can take the world back from heart attack._

_One maniac at a time, we will take it back._

_You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start._

_So dance alone to the beat of your heart._

The wind had picked up as I stepped up to the ledge. My heart was beating fast, having at least two beats per one hit of the drums. I couldn't help but think that my mom was watching me. Surely she would go to heaven. Me, I dont know if I'm heaven material.

_(Chorus) Hey young blood._

_Doesnt it feel like our time is running out?_

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Wearing our vintage misery._

_No, I think it looked a little better on me._

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

Time slowed as the song continued. I took deep and slow breathes, calming myself. The worst thing to do in this situation is panic. The cliff underneath me rolled down, in a steep incline. So if I jumped, I would fall, only to be caught by the natural hill and stumble, hitting the rocks and finally landing at the rocky edge.

_Bring home the boys and scrap scrap metal the tanks._

_Get hitched, make a career out of robbing banks._

_Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks._

_"You broke our spirit," says the note we pass._

_So we can take the world back from heart attack._

_One maniac at a time, we will take it back._

_You know time crawls on when you're waiting for the song to start._

_So dance to the beat of your heart._

I closed my eyes, imagining my mother's face, along with Zexion and Xion's. The only people who cared about me. My mother, beautiful in her silk wedding dress. Zexion, smart and wise beyond all his years. Finally, Xion. The girl who I've loved. The beautiful girl who was outcasted from her popular brothers. The girl who starved herself, knowing that it beat the loneliness. Xion, Zexion, Mom. My real family, my beloved friends and mother.

_Hey young blood._

_Doesnt it feel like our time is running out?_

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Wearing our vintage misery._

_No, I think it looked a little better on me._

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Put on your war paint._

I checked the time. A few minutes from midnight. A few minutes before the song ended. Everything was falling into place.

_The war is won,_

_Before it's begun._

_Release the doves,_

_Surrender love. (x4)_

_(Wave the white flag!)_

_Hey young blood._

_Doesnt it feel like our time is running out?_

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Wearing our vintage misery._

_No, I think it looked a little better on me._

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

The time and song was coming to it's end. I at least wanted to say goodbye to everyone before I died.

Goodbye Mom, Zexion and Xion. I will miss you.

_Hey young blood._

_Doesnt it feel like our time is running out?_

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Put on your war paint._

At the end of the song, Patrick Stump snapped his fingers, and that was my que to jump.

"Goodbye..."

**Lines from the next chapter: The Phoenix.**

"RIKU!"

"Namine?... Why am I alive?"

"If you expect me to believe that bold faced lie, then you don't know me."

**A/N: T.T. Sad, I know, but it had to be done. If you guys haven't heard the song The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy, then youtube it RIGHT NOW! Or even better, play the sing, and reread from the last xXx. It makes sense if you listen and read. I love that song, it's my fave.**

**Anyways, I think you guys noticed, I never gave Riku's mom a name. I did that because I never thought of a good one, and Riku always refers to her as mom.**

**How about a little game? If anyone who reads this story, can figure out WHY I chose the song The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy (besides the fact that it's my favorite song and band, and I love Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz), will get a story written by me, featuring their favorite ship/pairing. Oh, and just fyi: I don't judge on ships. If I were, I'd judge myself for accidently shipping AxelxRiku (LONG story to that one, but it's a good ship). So if you can figure that out, I'll write that story. (And it wont matter to me if you want them to do the dance with no pants, I'll do it.)**

**Special Thanks to:**

** .com: for reading and helping me through this. I REALLY apprieciate the help and thoughtful advice. Especially since this fanfic seems so sad.**

**Animegurl0130: Thank you sis. It makes my heart swell that you still are willing to tell me your real pov. **

**Any of my readers. I may not be very popular, or the best writer, but I love the fact that people read my stuff and fave it, because I put a lot of thought and effort into my stories and/or characters (even IF they aren't my own characters)**

**Well, I'm Sazha, signing off. Remember, be watching for Chapter 3: The Phoenix, and please listen to The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy. It's a great song, written by a great band. -VFD**


	3. The Phoenix

**Gone Chapter 3: The Phoenix**

**A/N: I know I ended the last chapter, on a sad and slow note. Well, things will start picking up in this chapter, I promise.**

**COPYRIGHT OF KINGDOM HEARTS BELONGS TO SQUARE ENIX**

**Shit, I forget that stupid copywrite EVERY time**

**Char Bios:**

**Namine: Age-16. A good natured, kind and gentle girl, who has a sweet personality. Namine works as a nurse-in-training/intern/volunteer at the Twilight Town Hospital. Her soft and soothing voice can calm even the most hysterical patients.**

'Goodbye...' My last mumbled words exited my mouth, as I jumped over the ledge. I knew that I was gonna hit the ground soon, but while I fell, I felt strangely calm. As if this was the right choice. As if taking my life was the right thing to do. The ground met me soon enough, catching my right ankle and shattering it. I kept my mouth shut, the pain reverberating as other parts of my body were being stabbed and broken by the rocks and earth.  
Coming to a stop, I felt my life draining out through the blood that flowed from the several cuts I had taken. I started to take an inventory of my body, but stopped, remembering that I wanted to die, not live. The water lapped, trying to drag me into its watery depths. I closed my eyes, saying goodbye for the final time.

(POV: 3rd)

A Graveyard digger was heading to work, when he saw a suspicious teen, making his way to the graveyard. The man followed the silver haired boy, wondering what was going on. There had been times in the past where stupid kids would come to the graveyard and disrespect the dead. The Twilight Town Graveyard was right before Lovers Leap. The digger, stopped at the edge of the graveyard, watching as the teen walked to the cliff. The man started to put two and two together, when the boy jumped. He gawked, for a second then pulled out his cell phone and called the ambulance.

"A silver haired teenager just committed suicide, by jumping off Lovers Leap." The digger said, running to the edge. He saw the crumpled body of the kid. After answering a few questions, the digger had slid down the cliff, and grabbed the boy, carefully scooping him up, and made his way to the open side of the cliff, where an ambulance was waiting for them.

xXx

Namine was helping a family out the door when the emergency doors opened, and there was a flood of people running past. They were ignoring everyone, trying to take care of the person on the stretcher. Namine followed, catching glimpses of a wet and silver mane. The EMTs pushed the kid into an operating room, where they set out to patch up the young adult. One side, there was a one way mirror, for doctors in training to see what the real doctors and nurses did. Namine, being a nurse in training, had access to the room. She slipped past someone with a clipboard, and watched, looking intently at the boy. The boy looked awfully familiar, but Namine couldnt put her finger on the name. Long silver hair that was pulled back into a ponytail so it didn't get in the way. Pale skin, that looked almost bloodless.

"Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me who the boy is?" Namine asked the doctor. He turned, looking up from his notes.

"No one has Id' the boy yet, but the nurses have been able to take some of his blood and put it into the system, to see who he is." Namine nodded, turning back to the window. A memory of earlier that day nagged at her thoughts. A silver haired boy gripping the table, as if it was a lifeline...

"RIKU!" Namine gasped, pressing her hands to the glass. The doctor turned to her.

"Riku?" Namine nodded, not taking her eyes off of the boy she barely knew.

"Yes. He goes to Twilight Town High School. Do you know what happened to him?"

"Well the Graveyard digger had informed us that the male you ID' as Riku, attempted suicide by jumping off of Lovers Leap." The doctor looked at the window, seeing the creased brows of the many doctors in the room. Namine bit her lip and looked at the window, seeing glimpses of a very limp Riku. She offered a small prayer, to the doctors and nurses to be able to keep him alive. The flaxen haired turned to the man in a lab coat and noticed he was the supervisor over the whole hospital. Mr. Ansem Darkhold.

"Mr. Darkhold... Riku is my friend. I know I'm not a full-fledged nurse, but can Riku be my responsibility? I can have one of the nurses watch over me, but I would really like to be his assigned nurse." Namine said, in a very responsible and authoritive voice. She never really got to talk to the head-honcho, but when she did, she always tried to sound responsible and capable of being a leader. The supervisor looked back at the young nurse. She was the youngest girl who wanted to be a nurse, for the actual meaning of being a nurse, and not for the pay. Ansem always got good word from the doctors and nurses, about Namine. She was always helpful, and willing to do the dirty work. Although Namine wasn't a real nurse, she showed a lot of promise, and made sure that her whole life was centered around helping the patients. After a few minutes of thought, Mr. Darkhold nodded and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Namine, I believe that you will have the confidence to help your friend. That's why I'm granting your wish to be this young boy's responsibility." smiled, and took back his hand, as Namine smiled.

"Thank you! I'll go get his room ready." The lavender eyed teen nodded, and passed the supervisor, walking to the nurses station.

xXx

The doctors and nurses, patching Riku up had taken several hours. He had a lot of injuries. Several broken bones, internal bleeding, a punctured lung. Namine couldn't stay at the hospital all night. After making sure she had Riku's room prepped, she went home. The next morning, Namine got to the hospital super early, as she did every morning before school. She gave patients their medications, and even helped an old woman go to the bathroom. Her last stop before heading to school was to see Riku.

The pale boy laid in one of the hospital's comfortable beds. His silver bangs covered his closed eyes. Namine lightly brushed away the hair, and placed her warm hand over his cheek.

"Oh Riku... I promise I'll take care of you." The blonde whispered, looking at the taller male. His left wrist was incased in plaster, along with his whole right leg. The clipboard on the table had said that Riku had shattered his entire knee and fractured the bones in his leg and foot. From several other cases, Namine knew a fractured bone took longer to heal than a broken one. With a clean break, the bone's internal structure could stitch together the broken part easily. It was painful, but a lot quicker. With a fracture, the bone had to repair all the broken pieces, along with stitching the bone back. Riku's chest rose and fell slightly, showing he still was breathing. There was no breathing apparatus to help, which was comforting to Namine. She couldn't tell how much pain he was in, with all the morphine and other drugs to keep the pain away, seeping into his veins. She hoped he couldn't feel it either. Namine took away her hand, walked away, heading to school.

xXx

Zexion and Xion sat in silence in their little hideout, looking at the empty chair. Zexion feared that Riku's stepfather had gone over the deep end and abused his stepson so much, that he could die. Xion just thought Riku was skipping school because he finally got to see his mom. Still, both teens hoped the best for their friend. The old battered TV had been turned on, with the local news channel broadcasting. The news casters were talking about a serious and very fatal crash that happened last night. The victims names hadn't been released yet, but they did know that three people had died. Clips of the crash site were being shown, and Xion gasped.

"Oh my God... That car... I hope the people died quickly." The dark haired female said, her sky blue eyes glued to the TV. Zexion didn't say anything, his intellectual mind working. Riku had said his mother was coming home. The crash was late enough that it was a possibility that Riku and his mother were in the car when the semi hurdled into them. Then... Zexion's heart cracked, thinking about his friend's lifeless body, laying in a heap, inside the small car. In the background the school bells rang, inviting the students into the building. Zexion got up, and turned the tv off. The two teens gathered their stuff and started for the school.

"Zexion! Xion!" Namine called waving her arm frantically. The sky started pouring, plastering everyone's hair to their faces and drenching their clothes and backpacks. Zexion and Xion jogged over to the blonde.

"Namine? What's up?" Xion asked, a little out of breath. Zexion doubled over, pulling the inhaler out of his bag, and taking the cap off. His mother and father were chain smokers when he was a kid, and he had a severe case of asthma. He was really lucky the school had that on file, and never made him take gym.

"It's about Riku... He..." Namine looked down, the rain, running down her cheek, as if she was crying. Zexion finished regaining his breath, and put one of his hands on her shoulder.

"What is it, Namine?" His voice strangely gentle. Namine looked up, and wiped the rain away with the edge of her white long sleeved shirt.

"He's in the hospital." Xion gasped, and her lip started to quiver. The site of the crash was brought to her mind, and she let out a choked noise. Zexion looked over to her, and dropped his hand from Namine's shoulder. This moment was awkward for all three of them. Namine rarely associated with Zexion. She talked to Xion, but not much. Zexion wasn't very touchy feely. All three of them stood in the rain, their thoats clentched in fear and sadness.

"Well, let's just hope that he's okay, and get on with our day." Zexion said, making everyone look up and nod. Zexion always knew what to do.

At lunch, everyone was silent, thinking about the silver haired boy. Xion's eyes were rimmed red, from crying. Zexion had skipped classes and cut, feeling the blood slid from the cut he had made on his side. The pain that Riku was in, had to be ten thousand times the pain Zexion was in. 'He's a fighter." Zexion thought, pressing two fingers against the cut. 'He'll pull through this.' Shortly before class was about to start, Xion came out to the hiding spot and had lunch with her.

"Zexion..." Xion's voice came out in a whimper. The grief was painful for the both of them. Even the air held the pain that they were feeling. Zexion looked up and saw that the tray that bent awkwardly under the weight of the food. He only saw her eat when something bad happened, and then she'd gorge herself. To Xion, the food was a bit of a comfort. She sat down and set the tray on the rickety table and began pigging out. Zexion helped himself, burying his pain in the consumtion of the food.

xXx (POV: Riku)

The world was black as I seemed to float on a cloud. Every once in a while I would hear a voice, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It would always be the same voice. A light and cheery voice that always nagged at my heart, making me feel happy. I had no sense of time, as I floated. My body slowly got heavy and I started to feel pain. The pain was everywhere. From my head down to my feet. Different places had a series of pains. My right leg. chest and left wrist had the most pain. Pain was like fire, licking at me. Light floaded my vision, as I apperently opened, my eyes. I was awake.

The room I was in was a good sized room, with various posters about how to describe pain. A flat screen tv sat in the upper right corner of the room, the screen black. There was a big window right in front, with the curtins closed. My ears twitched, and I started hearing the occasional beeping of the Heart Rate monitor.

"Hello?" My voice was weak and raspy. I waited a minute and called a little louder. Still no one heard me. I looked down and saw a blanket that hid my injuries. My right leg was lifted into the air, and it was clear that it was broken. Looking down, I saw a red button that had black instructions.

'Push if a Nurses help is needed.' Wow, that was stupidly easy. I wished I had seen that before calling out. With my right hand, I pushed the button, and then looked at my hand. The skin was pale as it ever was, with me able to see the blood veins. My index finger had a pulse moniter on it. The more I looked at the hand, the more I saw the bruises and cuts that scaled up, and surely over my body.

"Oh, you're awake." A female nurse came in, and grabbed the chart, checking over something, then consulted the computer, which was mounted on the wall, typing.

"Uh... yeah... What am I doing here?" The more I spoke, the more my throat hurt. I definately felt the edges rubbing up against each other, like sandpaper. The nurse laughed, and turned to me.

"You're here because you were in a terrible accident." She smiled, and looked at the heart rate moniter, and punched a number in the computer. Terrible accident? A memory of me jumping off Lovers Leap came to mind. Huh. Maybe they think I have amnesia or something. I remember everything from my mom's death to my attempted suicide...

"Are you in any pain?" The nurse asked, pointing to a chart with ten yellow circle faces. On the side of one, the face was a poker face. At ten, the face looked like it was constipated. I thought about it, looking at the faces. Number 7 looked pretty close to what I felt. The face almost in tears.

"Seven." I said, then coughed. Usually when people cough, your chest and lungs are filling with air to get rid of the thing in your throat. When I coughed, blood spat into my hand. I pulled my hand away and the nurse gasped and walked out, calling for someone. I stared at my hand. Something was wrong with my lungs. the only time I ever coughed blood, was when my stepdad had taken me to the attic and pushed me into a glass armour and I accidently swallowed a shard. Luckily, I went to the hospital and got it removed before any more damage could happen. Another nurse and a doctor came in and checked over me, making sure nothing was wrong. My senses were freaking out, but I kept breathing normally, which helped. A few minutes later, a nurse came in with a tray of food, and pills. The other two medical techs left.

"You're really lucky. The doctors were worried that the puntured lung had filled with blood." She set the tray on a table that could slid over me, without bumping anything over. The nurse adjusted my seating and asked if there was anything that she could get. I just pointed to the tv and used my bruised right hand to dig in to the small cup of peaches. The tv flickered on, and a remote was set on the table.

"If you need anything else, just push the button." With that the nurse left. I pushed away the table, and threw off the blanket, and my stomach clentched. My whole body was covered in black and blue bruises. In places there were bandages tightly wrapped around a wound, or a white rectangle bandaid. This is the most bandages I've ever wore at one time. Replacing the table, and turning up the volume, I took my mind off of the pain and focused on the news broadcast alert.

"The authorites finally released the names of those killed in the Airport Highway crash. Mr. James Drew, Mrs. Inazuma Sommet, and Mr. Caine Johnson." I stopped listening, not really caring. I was halfway through the peaches when I started choking.

Inazuma Sommet...

My mother!

I stopped coughing and payed attention to the tv. They showed a picture of all three people. The moment my mother's wedding picture came onto the screen, I felt like I was sufficating. Seeing my mother, made me want to pull out the fancy medical equipment and throw myself out the window, ending my life. I had tried to do that once, but it was obvious that Fate or God or whatever had plans for me. I dont believe in a 'higher power' or God or anything. Like God was ever there for me when I was in need. My mother never went to church, but she was a very devote Christian. My heart rate seemed to go up, but I didnt pay attention to the faster beeping. I was locked in the pain of seeing my mother, beautiful on screen.

If it wasnt for her, I wouldnt be here...

It took me a few minutes to realize that I was angry at my mom. For never being there for me, and for dying on the way to see me. Sure, it wasnt her fault, but my anger flared thinking about how she just married my step-dad, so I would have someone to take care of me, while she was away. There was a tapping at my shoulder, and I realized someone was calling my name.

"Riku, you're awake." A flaxen haired girl said, with a sad smile. I blinked, the time catching up with me. Namine held out a napkin, and pressed it against my lip.

"I was afraid that you wouldn't make it..." She said, dabbing gentlely at my bleeding lip.

"Namine... Why am I alive?" I blurted, not thinking about what I was gonna say. I just wanted answers of what happened from my attempted suicide tell now. Her lavender eyes, watched mine and after a tense second she looked away.

"You tried to kill yourself... Thank God, that the Graveyard digger saw you, and called, or else you would have died." I frowned and without thinking, I roughly grabbed Namine's hand and jerked it away from my face. It hurt to move, but I didnt care.

"Thank _God_?! I was intentionally trying to kill myself. Why do you think I jumped? My mother had died, while on her way to see me. I was talking to her, when she died. Namine, you _dont_ know who I am, or what hell I've been through." After tightening my grip, and hearing a small squeak come out of her lips, I let go. I wanted to release my anger at Namine, but I knew it was wrong. She rubbed her red wrist and stepped away from me, just in case I snapped again, and grabbed her neck instead of her wrist. Looking down, I squeezed my eyes shut, and started crying. All this pent up frustration and anger from my whole life was stressful. I couldnt take it any longer, that's why I had jumped. Just now, when I hurt Namine, I saw myself through my stepdad's eyes. How much anger he vented by hurting me... I realized that maybe, me and my stepdad are the same... I shook my head and looked up, wiping the tears from my eyes. No, I'm nothing like my stepdad.

"I'm sorry, Namine..." I breathed, looking a little protectively over her. She stopped rubbing her wrist and shook her head.

"Don't be. I understand you're scared and hurt." She brushed back a hair, and looked down at the floor. I kept my eyes on her wrist, hating the dark red against her porcelain skin. Time seemed to stop as I kept hating myself for what I did to the girl who was only trying to help.

"Riku? Why are you crying?" Namine asked, bending down a little and seeing me cry. Geez, what was wrong with me today? I was crying all over the place. I sniffled, and touched the napkin that she dropped, when I grabbed her hand, Namine looked at it, and without a word picked it up and patted the tears away. Her every move was soft and gentle. I slowed my breathing, and closed my eyes. I liked Namine's soft touch. It felt like my mothers. After a few seconds, Namine pulled away and I opened my eyes. Zexion and Xion were standing a few feet from my bed. Xion was having trouble holding back tears.

"Hey…" I said softly, looking at the two of them. Xion dropped her bag on the floor and almost threw herself at me, holding my head gently while crying. Through the corner of my eye, I saw Namine shut off the tv.

"Oh my God, Riku! You're alive…" I blushed slightly; since this was the first real time Xion's actually kinda hugged me. I raised my left casted hand and put it on her head, petting her soft black hair. Xion pulled away, wiping a stream of tears. Zexion was less weepy but definitely looked relieved that I was alive. I let out an airy laugh.

"Yeah, just barely…" Namine bowed her head, and excused herself from the room. Probably to do some other job, or whatever. I was happy enough to see my friends.

"We're very sorry for what happened to you're mother." Zexion said, after a few seconds. I reached out and touched Xion's shoulder, moving her slightly out of the way.

"It's okay… I'm sorry too." Xion looked confused, touching my hand.

"Why are you sorry? You're the one that lost his mom, and almost died in the same crash." I glanced from her to Zexion, wondering why she had said that. That's when I remembered that I hadn't given them the suicide note. I flinched, shaking my head, making my bangs slide to the left side, clearing my view.

"I know… I'm sorry that I made you guys worried." Xion's finger gently rubbed the back of my hand, and I couldn't help but smile just as gently back at her. Her eyes lit up, seeing me smile for the first time in forever.

"Don't worry about it. Zexion and I are just glad that you are alive." Xion slowly let her hand drift down my arm. I looked at her, carefully watching her. Heat flooded my cheeks, and I noticed I'm blushing.

"Xion. May I have a few minutes with Riku, alone?" Zexion spoke, making the two of us look at him. Xion nodded, and put my arm across my chest then nodded, leaving the room. Zexion followed her, only to shut the door.

"Zexion, I can explain…"

"You don't need to. I know what exactly is up. You weren't in that car crash." His glare practically sent daggers through my chest. I knew that Zexion could figure out that I wasn't in the crash. But stupid me, totally blanked it.

"You don't know what you're talking about. I almost died, alongside my mother. I was in that crash, and barely got out." My voice surprised me, being strong and aggressive.

"If you expect me to believe that bold faced lie, then you don't know me. Riku, tell me the truth. You can lie to Xion and Namine, all you want, but I'm smart enough to see through." Ouch. His words were like stones, hitting against my wounds.

"Fine… I committed suicide. You happy? But listen before you rant.I know I've done the unforgivable... Something that no one could forgive, but I'm asking one thing... Just please forgive me. If you understood the hurt and the pain that I was dealing with then you would understand... That's all I'm asking..." I carefully watched his face, trying to see any difference from the angery poker face he had on. Nothing.

"Too fucking late, Riku. You already decided that you think you can handle the world by yourself. Well fine. If you've got everything handled, then I guess that means you can work a friendship by yourself, because I'm no longer there." With that, Zexion left. In the hall, I heard Xion ask where Zexion was going. Namine had offered to give her a ride home, then the two girls walked into the room. The whole time I laid there, mouth agap slightly.

"Riku? Are you in pain?" Namine asked, checking the various moniters and then pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. I sighed, shaking my head, and taking her hand off my head.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired and hungry." Xion smiled, and walked over, taking my non casted hand.

"I'll go order you up some food. Xion, when I get back, I'll take you home." Namine said, then walked out. I watched her leave, then turned my attention to Xion. Her sky blue eyes were looking deeply my aquamarine eyes. I barely registered the blush that sprung to my cheeks.

"I'm really glad you're alive Riku. I dont know what I would do if..." Her face stared to twist into a pained one. I couldn't bare seeing her cry again, so I retracted my hand, and put it on her shoulder, pulling her close- like she had been when she first came in. Again, I petted her soft hair, closing my eyes and smiling a little. This was the first time, I've ever showed any physical attraction, or any hugging at all. If it wasnt for Namine walking in, and putting her hand on Xion's shoulder, I'm sure me and her would have stayed that way for a while. Xion had managed to not cry.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later..." She said, picking up her bag, that had been kicked under my bed. I nodded and brushed my bangs away.

"Yeah, its not like I'm going anywhere."

"Not for a while, you're not." Namine added, standing next to my broken knee. Xion giggled, and touched my hand again.

"Bye Riku."

"Later Xion."

xXx

I didnt remember Xion ever leaving. One minute she was saying goodbye, the next I remember, she was sitting on the counter next to my bed, intertwining her fingers through my hair. It was strange. I wasnt freaking out, or staring wide eyed at her, and her alien touch. I was actually smiling and laughing. This had to be a dream or something. Maybe I died, and was on my way to hell or purgatory.

"Riku." A voice floated in the air. I looked at Xion, but didnt see her mouth move. The voice kept calling my name, but Xion's lips never moved. Now that I think about it, the voice wasnt Xion's. Or anyone I knew.

"Riku, wake up." My eyes opened, and I saw the nurse that had been in here earlier was standing over me, with a large tray of food. I must have fell asleep right after Xion had said bye.

"I'm awake..." I said through a yawn, and rubbed my eyes with the one moveable hand I had. The nurse- her name tag had said Abigail- set the tray on the table, and adjusted the pillow, that was behind my back.

"Where'd Namine go?" The words came put of my mouth, without me really thinking about it. I was still groggy from the short nap.

"She took her break to take your dark haired friend home. She should be back anytime." Abigail said, consulting the computer. The smell of the food wafed up to my nose, begging for my attention. I got halfway through the chicken noodle soup when Namine walked in.

"Thank you Abigail." Namine said to the older nurse. She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. Namine drug up a high stool, and sat down next to me. To be honest, I wasnt paying attention to them. The soup was just too tastey for me to pay attention to anything else. Who knew hospital food tasted good?

"Enjoying your dinner, Riku?" Namine asked, and I nodded.

"Tastes better than I thought." She laughed, and reached up, grabbing the clipboard off the wall. I was suprised at how much I could eat. I knew I hadnt eaten for a few days, maybe a week, but I figured my stomach had shrunken to the size of a walnut or something.

"Riku... I need to talk to you..." I set my spoon down, and looked at her, with a skeptical face.

"Gee, I sure am popular today, huh. First Zexion, then you. I wonder who next." My sarcastic remark didnt phase Namine. In fact that only made her frown.

"When you were getting patched up, the doctors had noticed a thick and poor bandaging job that was on your chest. First they thought it was for your chest, but them they found out it was for your back." Namine started, looking at the clipboard. I refrained from looking at her, staring at the limp noodles and chicken chunks swimming in the golden broth.

"Riku... The doctors were are curious at what happened, and I am too. I need to know what happened, or I cant get you the correct treatment. I care for your health and well being." Just great. She was playing a sympathy card. I didnt need this. Im too hyped on drugs and pain to even try and lie. My head was like the bowl of soup. Namine the spoon, stirring up the juicy details of my life, having the chunks of chicken and noodles float to the top. I sighed, and began from the beginning.

"When I was born, my mom barely had enough time to take care of me. She was 17, with a child. I got passed off from daycare to nannys, for the first parts of my life. By like age 10, my mom had met my stepdad and started dating him. I was still being passed off from daycares, until they married and we moved here." I took a breath, this was where the pain started to steep into my voice.

"My mom's career had just started to take off, and she also started doing college. Business trips were a usual thing that forced her to leave for several weekends in a row. My stepdad hated me, not the 'you did something to hurt me, I hate you' type of hate. It was the type of hate where he would..." My throat couldnt say the word.

"Would what, Riku?" Namine's soft voice asked. I looked down at her.

"Abuse me. It started out every once in a while, whenever I would demand my mom's attention when she had just got home from a long trip or something. I didnt do much, all I wanted was a hug. The first time he beat me, you would have thought he was going to kill me, thats how much he hit me. I was only twelve when he started to abuse me." I barely noticed the tears that came streaming down my cheeks. It was tough to talk about it. I saw that Namine was having trouble holding back tears as well.

"The more my mom was gone, and the more I started to flunk school, turn to cutting, the more I was getting abused. I started to change, both physically and emotionally. I would go through these periods where I wouldn't eat, cut more, and worked out. I suffered a lot over the years, having Zexion keep my secret, doing bad in school and everything. When my mom had died, I felt like I was at my end. I had nothing to live for, that's why I chose suicide." I stopped coming to the end of the story. Namine was silently crying, biting her lip to keep from making a sound. If it was painful for me to tell the story, it must have been worse for her to hear it. From what I know of Namine, she was kind hearted. Whenever someone had a problem, she would listen to their problem and help them through it. All this emotional truama I went through, must be heartbreaking for her.

"Namine?" My voice was strangely calm. I reached over and lifted her head, so it was looking at me. Her lavender eyes, rimmed with ears, making the slight bit of mascara she had on, run. Namine touched my badly bruised hand and sniffled, stopping her crying.

"I'm sorry for crying... I just cant believe you went through so much." Subconsiously I wiped away a loose tear with my thumb. I hated seeing her cry. It was odd that to felt this way to someone I barely know. For her to know my secrets. Which reminded me...

"Namine... What did you tell everyone that happened to me?" I now was slightly angered, but I didnt show. I had to start keeping my emotions under control. She sniffled again, and removed my hand from her face.

"I just told Xion and Zexion you were in a terrible accident. I never said anything about what happened. That's not my business to tell." Her voice was stronger, as she wiped the tears away and began writing down something on the clipboard. My mouth twitched in a phantom smirk.

"You know... I owe you a lot. For keeping my secret, and taking care of me. I owe you my life Namine." I couldnt help think about what that intitled. Owing Namine my life meant that the only time I could repay her was to risk my life to save her. Life for a life. What was I getting myself into... Luckily Namine didnt think the same.

"No, Riku. You dont owe me anything. I wanted to help anyone in need, and now that's you." In any other case, I would be my stubborn self and argue with her about owing her, but this case wasnt normal. I moved my ears down and looked down at my hands that lay limp on my chest. I could move them but I didnt.

"Okay... Namine... What does this mean for the future though? I mean, I cant go back to my house. My stepdad hates me, and probably blames me for my mom's death. If I go back... I could die for real." I barely squeaked the last sentence, fearing for my life again. I didnt want to go back. Going back meant living in fear. I didnt want to live like that.

_Hey young blood._

_Doesnt it feel like our time is running out?_

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

_Wearing out vintage misery._

_No, I think it looked a little better on me._

_I'm gonna change you like a remix._

_Then I'll raise you like a phoenix._

The lyrics to The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy jumped to my mind. It was like I could see the words imprinted in my vision. Change you like a remix. Raise you like a phoenix...

"I have an idea, but let me think about it okay?" Namine brought me back to reality, and I couldnt help but let a smirk come across my face.

"Thank you... Namine"

**Lines from the next chapter: Decisions**

"Choice two... Live with me."

"Oh, Riku... I believe this _suicide note_ belongs to you."

"Namine... I've decided."

**A/N: Well that wraps up chapter 3: The Phoenix. So far no one has even tried to figure out why I chose The Phoenix. I'm kinda upset that you guys dont wanna participate in my little game. I thought it would be fun and you guys would want a little something to think about before the next chapter. T.T. Well I guess I'll give you guys one more chapter before revealing the answer.**

**-Sazha**


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